mothers! Be you a Mum, nearly a Mum, a Dad, or a wee one, we’re
here to help you all!
• We do not charge children under 16
• We do not charge obviously expectant mothers.
• We carry certain extras such as medicine, nappies
and toddler loo seat inserts if we know it is a family event
• We carry alternative remedies in our personal items
We are able to help you to sterilise babys’ bottles,
heat up food, change your baby, watch the buggy whilst you use the facilities
complete with or without
child (I am CRB checked/degree in early childhood education/previously a nanny!),
you go right ahead. Do get in touch via email if you have any queries or want
to make us aware that you maybe at an event and require any extra assistance
in any way.
For this special 2nd time round, family festival we are concentrating
our efforts in the Children’s Garden Area only. We shall be laying on an art workshop
table to entertain children if there is a queue, there will be baby changing
and baby services. Last year we were unexpectedly split between the campsite
and children’s field, which we felt did not work. Although we did our
best in the children’s field we were not expecting to be there so there
were not enough toilets. We would like to express our apologies and address
the following customer comments.
"My son peed his pants whilst waiting.
It isn’t good enough, saying that when we got to the loos they
really were lovely and clean."
"Would you consider child only toilets?" Rose
We’re very sorry to hear this happened to your son. Camp Bestival is
where there are the highest number of children out of all our events. Last
year our pitch had been split in two without prior warning and we were not
equipped to be in the Children’s field. Things are going to be very different
this year. We welcome parents with small children that are fit to bust or pregnant
ladies about to do the same, coming straight to the front, so do not be afraid
to ask. People only begrudge queue barging when they think people are taking
the pee! No one wants to see a little person, or anyone for that matter, suffering
an undignified and avoidable accident, especially not us at Comfy Crappers.
Whilst sectioning off specific toilets for children might be un-workable, we
give our junior customers and desperate patrons special priority.
On a more positive note the pregnant ladies loved us here and the Big Chill
07/08 and one said- “THANKS FOR MAKING IT ALL
POSSIBLE!! AND EVEN BETTER FOR FREE – PREGNUNT LADY! :n)” Big
hate using public toilets!”
This section aims to help and inform our customers who might be toilet phobic,
with medical conditions, less-able and festival virgins. So read on if this applies
to you, as we are here to help. Please feel rest assured that we treat every
contact or enquiry with sensitivity and confidentiality.
According to Steve Wright’s Radio 2 factoids there are 4 million people
in the UK who have some sort of fear or phobia of going to the toilet, either
not liking public toilets, some people actually not going out for too long because
they cannot use any other toilet other than their one at home or cannot withstand
public toilets especially festival porta-loos because of cleanliness issues.
Last year in particular we had numerous people coming up to tell us that they
had always wanted to go to a festival with all of their friends but previously
hadn’t because of the toilet situation, but thanks to Comfy Crappers, they
had felt able to come along as their toilet worries were over, and none of them
went away disappointed.
We believe it would be a shame if people were missing out on joining their friends
at festivals simply because they weren’t comfortable using public toilets
or absolutely can’t stand even the thought of chemical toilets. At Comfy
Crappers you can rest easy. Each toilet is an individual stand-alone cubicle.
If you prefer a specific toilet, do ask. Most people have their own favourite
and we do requests! As you may have already read we use spoons as locks. These
are numbered and apart from a few numptys who struggle counting to 20, (oh you
do get’em!) everyone else knows where they are going and therefore should
not being disturbing you, simply passing by. We play music to add to privacy.
The toilets are cleaned constantly throughout the hours of service. Again if
it would make you feel more comfortable to know for sure that your toilet is
clean just grab one of the Loo Bandits, and they will be happy to clean it for
you. The toilets are well lit at night so you have no worries in that respect.
Another bonus is that you can rest easy knowing that no one is going to tip you
over or try to move the toilet in any way. The Loo Bandits are moving about cleaning
the toilets but pay no heed, they’ve seen and heard just about everything
there is to see and hear and besides they are very respectful of peoples privacy.
We’re just getting on with our jobs (ooo bad pun in this context!). Anyone
else milling about is going to or from their toilet. Trust me when we say that
on the way to the toilet, the last thing on their mind is what you are up to
and on the way out they are still not wondering, as they are just in a pleasure
bubble of relief nine times out of ten!! On the whole our loos are amazingly
fresh for big boxes of poo! It is often commented on how amazingly un-smelly
If there are three things to remember its:
1 Everybody in the whole wide world has to go to the toilet
2 When you are sat on the loo thinking that everyone is
looking at you or can see you through a tiny gap then refer to:
A why would they be looking in the first place??? Only perverts would want
do that and as a rule we don’t have any perverts around…well apart
from the Panda of course!! Anywho..
B everyone visits Comfy Crappers with one goal, one aim, one selfish personal
mission and that is to get about your daily business and come out the other side
un scarred, dignity intact and feeling a lot less anxious than you had felt on
arrival. No one has any interest in what anyone else is doing especially as many
of them are sat on their toilets thinking exactly the same things as you, ‘can
I go’, ‘why can’t I go, I wanted to in the queue’, ‘hope
no one busts through the door’ etc. Just get into listening to the music
or reading the walls or doodling or quizzes depending which throne you get and
worry not about what everyone else is doing.
3 Don’t look down! Always a good rule that is!!
Those with Medical Conditions
We have met so many lovely people who have debilitating or embarrassing illnesses
and deal with them with such good grace and humour. We take our hats off to you
getting about the festivals and doing your thang! Should you be unfortunate enough
to have colitis, croanes disease, diabetes or urinary problems and have special
requirements such as going to the front etc then do get in touch prior to the
event. Those with conditions such as Croanes disease have proof of this and of
course if we suddenly have an epidemic of colitis on our hands, we be slightly
more than suspicious so please don’t be faking diseases to queue jump!
Remember you should thank your lucky stars you haven’t got a condition
whereby you could shit yourself at any minute and always be careful what you
wish for. It goes without saying that the management’s decision is final.
Less Abled Customers
Not sure if it is due to our pitching over the seasons but to date we have had
only 2 disabled customers. Both of which were successful in using our toilets.
Due to the nature and design of our toilets they have to be built up high and
so have steps up to them. Secondly, as is always the case at these sorts of events,
space is at a premium at the event and on the lorry and a disabled toilet would
have to be so much larger, especially if there need to be a ramp up to it. These
sound like rather feeble excuses I’m sure and not to be defeated, with
assistance from kind people offering their personal experiences we can design
a mobile composting toilet for the less-abled with no need for ramp or such things.
We are still a company very much in its infancy and setting a president in what
we do, so please bare with us and watch this space. But don’t hold your
breath. Well…we are about to head into silly season, which no doubt along
the way we shall get the answers we need and 2010 could see the launch of your
very own convenience for the less-abled. In the mean time if you don’t
mind, then we don’t mind! We have some strapping great lads in the Loo
Bandits and the girls are almost like Russian shot putters by August so if you
or assistance in anyway we are more than willing to help.
Welcome to all those about to pop their festival cherry, if its coming up to
your first festival and you’re reading this then I’ll be guessing
it half fills you with outrageous excitement but half with the colly wobbles
as scenarios spin through your mind and you hear allsorts of exaggerated or probably
made up stories and dubious claims about festival antics made by gobshites, that
make you wonder if you want to go at all. Worry not, you’ll have a hell
of a time, and hey what does it matter, there is a lot of support at these events
should you get into trouble or difficulty and often that is not restricted to
the official emergency and welfare services. Many of our friends can recount
stories of how other partyers helped them out in times of need and you will be
pleased to find that when you get such large gatherings of people in one place
partying there will always being a higher conciousness and sense of humanity,
yes even at Leeds, Oxegen or Reading. Comfy Crappers often operates as a secret
undercover festival emergency service! We’re happy to help people out however
we can. We don’t take kindly to stupidly pissed people, or even stupid
pissed people, infact even just stupid people it has to be said, so be warned,
but should you be lost, bewildered, need a chill out or a listening ear feel
free to pop in. We may even be able to rustle you up a good old cup of tea! The
Loo Bandits are a great bunch of people, we aim to be always happy and smiling.
We have dealt with everything from fainters to people dropping un-concious, women
and young lads crying and people who have simply over done it abit and needed
some TLC. There are those of course, who can deal with the large crowds, sleeping
in tents, not showering and wearing the same clothes for days, but when it comes
to toilets they cannot stand what can only be described as the ‘hit in
the head by a poo bat’ effect when visiting the deadly porta-loos (so well
put Kenny, we salute you! And if you haven’t seen the Oz film Kenny…watch
it!!). Well worry not, at Comfy Crappers you’re in the right place. We
are usually to be found in the campsite market areas. It could be worth emailing
the festival nearer to the event to ask if they know which campsite we’d
be in because we do not know until arrival.
If you have any queries, think you may need some assistance at an event, have
a medical condition that we can help with, or simply need to get in touch then
go to the contacts page, and sending an email is best.